Brian's Best 3 of the Week 7/5-7/11

1. Technology
"DVD Rewinder 3000"
by Idiotech Inc.

If you're anything like me then you get a lot of Blockbuster dvd rewinding penalties. I can handle late fees, but, rewinding penalties on dvd's are a pain in the ass. I hate it. Sometimes it's my fault, sometimes it's my wife's fault and sometimes I tell the Blockbuster guy it was my new born's fault. When I'm done watching a dvd I just don't think to rewind it. You gotta be with me on this. Manually rewinding a dvd is difficult. Especially a double-disc or "collectors' edition". Damn. Because of these penalties I won't usually watch the Special Features and I wanna know why Pat Morita was cut out of Goonies 2. All of that is in the past now that Idiotech Inc. (creators of the laser disc rewinder sirca 1992) has released the "DVD Rewinder 3000". At $499.95 you can't go wrong with this piece of electronic magic. This might be the greatest invention ever! Buy one today. Trust me. You'll love it. You'll quickly forget what life was like before you could rewind your dvd's.

2. Athlete

Serena Williams

This just my (unpopular) opinion...Serena Williams is the greatest women's tennis player ever. Ever. When healthy (not often), when in shape (rarely) and when focused solely on tennis (almost never), no one, not even her older sis Venus, can beat her. This weekend Serena defeated said older sister, in straight sets, at Wimbledon's All-England Club. This gives Serena 11 Grand Slam singles titles to go with her 9 doubles Grand Slams, 2 mixed-doubles Grand Slams and 2 Olympic Gold medals (2000 & 2008) in doubles. She is, to me, the Andre Agassi of women's tennis. I think she has the most talent of anyone ever to play the game, but like Agassi, she can't seem to keep her head in the game. Agassi is my favorite tennis player of all-time. Easy. If he had been as focused his entire career as he was at the end of it I think Federer would be chasing his Grand Slam record and not Sampras'. Serena is the exact same way. She isn't a robot created to play tennis and tennis only, like say, Federer. Also, she seems to only show up for Grand Slams here lately. But, what if she stayed focused and in shape all-year-round? She would be the most dominate athlete in sports today and that includes Tiger and Roger (respectively). This year shes won the Australian Open, reached the quarter finals (out of shape) at the French Open, won Wimbledon and I'd bet anything will win this year's US Open in August.

3. (Soon to Be) Movie
Astroids


Now that Hollywood has truly ran out of ideas, this should come as no surprise,soon to be in a theatre near you...Astroids:The Movie. No I'm not joking. Astroids. Seriously. The classic Atari video game Astroids. The one that looks like it cost $7 dollars to make in some nerd's basement Astroids. Reports say the movie will be produced by Lorenzo di "Unoriginal" Bonaventura (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) and written by Matthew "I'm out of ideas" Lopez (Bedtime Stories). Don't get me wrong, I loved Astroids as a game and I played the hell out of it, but you can't be serious. Who am I kidding? Of course they're serious. I heard Michael Bay is looking to make a Galaga movie. Speilberg has a Pac-Man Trilogy in the works that could rival The Lord of the Rings. Tom Cruise is trying to recapture that Days of Thunder vibe and make a Pole Position movie. OK. The last three are a joke, but, not out of the realm of possibility. "Get Bay on the phone! He'll direct anything!" If Astroids is gonna be a movie I want no updates. You leave the original "drawrings" that 8-year-old kid that came up with the game, in the movie. Black and white and square all over.