All That I Can't Leave Behind

High school doesn't seem that long ago. It's been many years now that I've stopped missing Wichita West High. When I look back it seems better (and funner) than it probably was. I was lazy in school, especially high school, and I should resent my memories of the place because I didn't effectively use every opportunity I had there. I'm two marriages and four children removed from high school and worrying about the fact I didn't advance my education beyond that point is long gone. It's my job now to assure that my children do better. So, if I didn't use West as a tool to go on to college (or community college or WTI or DeVry or...well you get the point) what did I take from high school? Well I thought I took friends. I thought I took some guys and a few girls that I (naively) thought would be in my life forever. Maybe not day in-day out friends, but, at least people I would keep in touch with and see occasionally. I graduated in 1995 and I know thats (Jesus) fourteen years ago, so of course things change, I'm just coming to grips with the fact that I may never see or be close to those people again. I still see Melissa and for that I'm glad. Her ex-husband Cameron became a good friend (I knew Melissa first) in high school. Cameron went into the military and became a globe trotter with Melissa in toe. If not for Melissa and Cameron getting a divorce, forcing her to move back to Wichita, I would probably not see either one of them, instead of just Melissa. Luckily for Melissa she has remarried and is doing fine. I do miss Cameron though. My other good friend from high school, Jason, who unfortunately passed away eight years ago, is the big "what if?". Jason went to Kansas State after graduation and established a whole new set of friends. Frat guys. I met a lot of them while he was in the hospital and even more at his funeral. It was weird to meet a different set of his friends, like they were from another planet, far removed from the world I knew that involved the high school version of Jason. I spent very little time with Jason after he came back from K-State. His health wasn't great and I was married with two boys. He was back in Wichita but I lost four years of time with him other than the occasional visit here or there. In the end his fraternity brothers had the advantage of knowing him more recently, not necessarily better, just more recently. I miss Jason. My friend Justin has been the hardest to understand. Justin wasn't my best friend in high school, but, he was the most like me and I considered him a truly great and long lasting friend. Justin was a guy that a lot of people really liked or a lot of people really thought was a dick. I could see why people thought he was a dick. He was. He is. But I thought he was a great guy. Justin moved to Greeley, Colorado (just outside of Denver) not long after West. His family is deep in the car business. His father moved there and he soon followed. His brother is a dealer here in town. Other than a brief stint with Budweiser (too much work) Justin has been in the automotive sales industry at almost every dealership in the area. He's still single and lives the opposite life as me. I would love to talk about all the single guy in Denver stuff he was doing. The girls (many), the sports (Broncos, Rockies, Avalanche, Nuggets), the concerts (Bon Jovi!) and all the other things living in a large metropolitan area affords a single dude with bank. I didn't get to see Justin much over the years. He didn't particularly enjoy coming back to Wichita much, but, he did every once in a while. My wife and I went and saw him when we were first dating. It was a great time as I remember and I fully understood why he chose to live there instead of here. The place is awesome. When my wife and I got married in '04 Justin flew in and was one of my groomsmen. I've only seen Justin once since then. November of last year was the last time I talked to him. He won't return my calls. I heard from another friend from high school I bumped into a while back that she saw him out and about. He was in town to buy a suite for his mom's funeral. I couldn't believe it. By this time I hadn't talked to Justin for a few months. Surely he would reach out to me now right? Nope. I finally left him a message and said that I was very sorry to hear of his mother's passing. I said that I was disappointed that I had to hear the news from someone that we both have six degrees of separation with. So if he no longer had the time (or desire) to stay in touch I understood. I lied. I don't understand. It's not like I take up a ton of his time. A call every month or so. A beer every other year or so. Who knows. I miss Justin a lot. The heart breaker though is my boy Tony. I've lost sleep over Tony. Cameron is a million miles away preparing to blow something up in the military, Jason is resting in peace and Justin is m.i.a., but Tony is right here in town. Right here. I've bumped into Tony about a dozen times over the last, say, ten years. Every time I see the guy I'm so glad to see him and think that this will be the time we reconnect and go back to being buddies. I mean I loved this guy and not in the viking way. I mean I really cared about this guy. Each time I saw him he gave me a different cell phone number that worked the first couple of times I called, then didn't, then I would go another God knows how long before I saw him and the cycle would start all over again. Just last year I bumped into him at Wal-Mart. He gave me his number. I called. We got lit at a sports bar a few days later. He apologized for not staying in touch, for not being a better friend, for just about everything you could think of. It meant a lot to me because I never got any of that over the years from Tony. He never used to care, I thought, about flaking out on me. My wife and I then spent an evening at a comedy club with Tony and his wife. I haven't talked to him since. His number was disconnected. I guess all that, "We'll stay in touch." from Tony isn't gonna happen. Don't get me wrong, Tony has a lot on his plate, to say the least. To make a long story short, Tony is currently married to his second wife who he cheated on his first wife with when him and his first wife were in high school. Are you still with me? I hope so. Therefore, Tony has a son with his first wife and two children with his current wife. His current wife had four kids with her first husband and rumor has it that the last two of those kids are Tony's. So actually Tony has four kids with his current wife and one with his first wife. If I'm doing the math correctly that gives Tony five mini-Tonys. Do not quote me though. Getting anything this deep (and embarrassing) out of Tony has been impossible. The whole thing is a mess. To put the icing on this hideous cake, I still communicate with Tony's extremely bitter ex-wife. Latino women don't like being cheated on. Here's my problem. I don't care about any of this. I never picked sides. I don't care what stupid @ss s#!t Tony has done over the years. Haven't we all? Man, I just don't care, I just want my buddy back. I didn't pick sides with Cameron and Melissa. She just happens to live here. Cameron doesn't. I didn't piss in Justin's cereal. I can't bring Jason back. I don't want to go back to high school, but I want my favorite part of high school, or at least a little part of it. This doesn't take anything away from my current friends (which are great) and my main man Davey and my longtime friend Desi. I don't think Cameron, Jason, Justin or Tony would be my best friend right now anyway. Davey is irreplaceable. I just can't leave these guys in the past. I read an article once that said; the average person changes a third of his/her closest friends every seven years. That means I've lost my friends from high school two times over...